sherlockbbc_fic | prompting part XXIII

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Part I - Part II - Part III - Part IV - Part V - Part VI - Part VII
Part VIII - Part IX - Part X - Part XI - Part XII - Part XIII - Part XIV
Part XV - Part XVI - Part XVII - Part XVIII - Part XIX - Part XX
Part XXI - Part XXII
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"Vatican cameos" isn't from a case.

It's from an episode of Antiques Roadshow.

Because we know John and Sherlock watch crap telly with Mrs. Hudson, and that they are also, on occasion, weird. Tell me how this came to be, anons.

HA! Yes. <3

Hmm... would a case inspired by an episode of Antiques Roadshow be acceptable? I sort of misread this prompt before getting carried away with it.

That'd be great too!

“Five hundred. At the very most.”

“Sherlock, dear, please.” Mrs. Hudson speaks despairingly, arms folded, eyes fixed on the screen. “You always ruin the surprise.”

“But it’s so obviously in poor condition. Anyone could see the stains, the fading, the clear signs of renovation -”

“Shut up, Sherlock.” John gives him a pointed glance over Mrs. Hudson’s head and he settles back into the couch, lips pressed in a thin line. A moment later the appraisal is announced - Sherlock is right, as always. His smug silence is itself a form of exaggerated bragging, and John sighs. “Yes, yes, you’re very clever.”

The kettle sings and Mrs. Hudson hurries about making tea. “Yell if anything interesting comes on!”

“Just some cameos,” John calls, over the sound of domestic bustling. Sherlock seems to be staring past the image on the screen, distant and expressionless, and John watches him warily. “Very old, good condition, some sort of religious significance.” Lowering his voice, addressing Sherlock, he adds, “What do you think?”

“Obviously her manner is quite revealing, but her appearance is telling as well - the condition of her skin indicates time and money spent fighting the effects of aging, rather futilely one might add, but the two-inch gray roots suggest recent stress, preoccupation, despite or more likely because of the recent change in her fortunes. Displeasing a powerful friend will have that effect.”

“I was talking about the cameos.”

“Oh - stolen. Undoubtedly. By someone beginning to discover that she is in over her head.”

“Stolen?” John starts to laugh, then stops abruptly at the look on Sherlock’s face. “You’re not joking.”

“Oh, not at all.” Mrs. Hudson returns with the tea, carefully arranging the service on the cluttered table. “It wouldn’t be the first time Sherlock’s gotten a good case out of Antiques Roadshow.”

Sherlock stands abruptly, already animated by the familiar frenetic energy of the chase. “The Case of the Vatican Cameos, John,” he calls, practically running from the room. “This will be one for your blog.”

“You could have warned me there was a gun in the safe!”

“What, by blinking in code? Waving these awful things in semaphore?” Sherlock throws his hands in the air and the tattered sleeves of his ruined coat flutter tragically behind him. A ricochet shot screams through the tunnel, burning a neat hole just below his left elbow. “I had a gun to my head, John, it rather limited my options.”

“You could,” John pants, pressing a hand to his side as they sprint, blood oozing through his fingers, “have made, an effort.”

“You’re so right, how could I have been so foolish, what a massive oversight it was not to have a code phrase signifying ‘When opening this safe be sure to position yourself obliquely so that the loaded firearm attached by a string to the opening mechanism discharges not at you but at our attackers providing a diversion by which we may escape,” seeing as how it would be so incalculably relevant.”

“I cannot believe you’re doing this right now. Very helpful, very mature.” John pivots clumsily and fires two shots at the exposed pipes along the ceiling. Boiling steam hisses and slaps against the concrete, blocking the passage.

“I just think there are more pressing issues at hand than your obsessing over one tiny mistake -”

“Tiny mistake? I’m bleeding to death, Holmes!”

“Oh please, you’re barely grazed.”

They crash into the freight elevator, John covering the entrance, Sherlock furiously jamming the controls. John fires his last shot through the closing metal mouth of the door, and they lurch upwards into safety and darkness. For a long moment they sit collapsed against each other, silent, exhausted, breathing hard.

“Well,” Sherlock huffs, after the silence stretches to uncomfortable proportions. “Well done us. The Pope will be pleased.”

“You could apologize.” John’s voice is pinched with discomfort. “You know. In theory.”

“Honestly, John, are you still upset over that thing with the safe?”

“Yes, Sherlock, oddly enough it’s weighing on my mind.”

“Look, I promise.” Sherlock turns to him, grasps John’s bloody hand in his own, and speaks very solemnly. “If ever again we’re threatened by men with guns and facing a trapped safe, I will find a way to let you know.”

I love this.

Hehe, this is wonderful. The snappy dialogue does sound just as if it were in the show, with Sherlock's sniping and John's grumbling. And, of course, the trapped safe. Giggling all the way through!

*giggles* Well done :)

Ah, this is great. I love their snipping at each other, how adorable they are watching Antiques Roadshow all together, and especially Sherlock's very solemnly sarcastic promise at the end.

This is fantastic and it could be a scene right out of the show, and of course Sherlock would ruin Antiques Roadshow with deductions. I love it. Thank you for writing this! <3

Hee! This is adorable.

10016 comments

prompting part XXIII

Ask not from whence this headcanon

Re: Ask not from whence this headcanon

Re: Ask not from whence this headcanon

OP

Case of the Vatican Cameos 1/2

Case of the Vatican Cameos 2/2

Re: Case of the Vatican Cameos 2/2

Re: Case of the Vatican Cameos 2/2

Re: Case of the Vatican Cameos 2/2

Re: Case of the Vatican Cameos 2/2

OP

Re: Case of the Vatican Cameos 2/2