sherlockbbc_fic | Prompting Part XXXV

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MEME LINKS
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OTHER LINKS AND AFFILIATES

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sherlockbbc: A community dedicated to the BBC adaptation of Sherlock Holmes.
Useful resources for Sherlock and LiveJournal.
Sherlock screencaps.

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

“Erm, Sherlock, does Kurt happen to have paws or did you… I don’t know, wear animal costumes or something?”

“I can assure you that neither of us was wearing a costume.”

“Well. Right. Well. Erm, great. It’s working out with Kurt, then?”

“This was our first real date, but I’m confident. I’m quite fond of Kurt.”

“You ended up in the bathtub on your first date?”

“Kurt tends to put his desires bluntly. That’s one of the reasons why I get along with him.”

“Ah.” A noise escaped John that could possibly be described as a crossover between a chuckle and a sob.“Good. Erm, how did you meet?”

Sherlock sighed exasperatedly. John trying to discuss his love life was utterly tedious.

“You know him. We both met him when we were investigating The Case of the Zodiac-Zookeeper, as you called it on your moronic blog."

John frowned. He tried to remember every witness they had questioned on the murderous zoo keeper and every person they had met during their frantic search for the flash drive with the crime scene photos… – He couldn’t possibly recall anyone by the name of Kurt. Then suddenly it hit him. For approximately 10 seconds John thought he was going to pass out. His limbic system went on stand-by. “The bear that had eaten the flash drive. The one that had to be narcotised. His name was Kurt, wasn’t it?”

“Obviously.”

Well, it could be worse. At least John had gotten an explanation for the paw prints. That’s all he had asked for, wasn’t it? He wondered if the uncontrollable blinking was going to stop at some point.

“John, Kurt and I have a special something. Are you done going on my nerves?”

“Not quite. Ahm.” There was a long pause. The Sherlock-shaped lump on the sofa didn’t move. Neither did John. “You’re trying to tell me that you’re dating a male brown bear.”

“Yes.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“No. Stop being annoying.”

“That’s entirely impossible, Sherlock. How did the bear even… get here!?”

“And how do you even survive being this /slow/? Obviously, I went to the zoo, got hold of a key and fetched Kurt to take him on a date.”

“You pick pocketed one of the poor zoo keepers, broke into a wild animal’s enclosure and stole a fucking brown bear?”

“Yes. Do keep up, John.”

John decided to try a breathing pattern his therapist had taught him. It was supposed to help him through panic attacks, but he was quite sure that one could use it to survive bear-related breakdowns as well. In and out, John, slowly, stay grounded. Everything’s going to be alright.
“How did you get to Baker Street with a bear in tow?”

“On the tube.”

“On the tube?”

“None of the cabs would take us.”

Alright. John was having an interesting déjà-vu now. Also, the uncontrollable blinking was becoming more and more inconvenient. Take another deep breath, John. And another one.

“You did take him back to the zoo, didn’t you? You didn’t just abandon him on Piccadilly Circus?” All of a sudden, John could vividly imagine Kurt the bear eating his way through a group of Japanese Tourists. It was not a pleasant image.

“Of course I took him back to the zoo.” Sherlock informed him, making it sound like it was the most natural thing in the world and John was an idiot for even suggesting otherwise. “He wouldn’t have found it all by himself. Kurt has a terrible sense of direction.”

“But you’re, ah, going to see him again, are you?”

Sherlock looked perfectly pleased with himself. “I promised to go see him again tomorrow. I’m going to take him to Bart’s morgue. He gave his word not to eat anyone.”

“Of course he did.” John sighed, sounding oddly defeated. “I’m going out. Do we need anything?”

“Toast, nicotine patches and seven jars of honey, please.”

“What happened to the jar of honey I bought only three days ago?”

“John, Kurt might have eaten it off my-”

John fled. He was never going to find out what part of Sherlock Kurt had eaten a jar of expensive acacia honey off.
This afternoon, after having picked up nicotine patches and groceries, John went down to his favourite pub and got more drunk than the day Sherlock had set his own balls on fire.

THE END

All the fucking internets!

I nearly cried laughing. Wonderful.

Loved it!

(I hope for Lestrade's sanity that Sherlock doesn't take Kurt out on a crime scene next...)

This is ridiculously great! And this is why I love this fandom.

Prompting Part XXXV

Re: FILL: Paw prints, or: There's something about Kurt (part 2)

Re: FILL: Paw prints, or: There's something about Kurt (part 2)

Re: FILL: Paw prints, or: There's something about Kurt (part 2)

Re: FILL: Paw prints, or: There's something about Kurt (part 2)

Re: FILL: Paw prints, or: There's something about Kurt (part 2)