At this threat, Sherlock moved. He grasped John’s arms with his hands and blurted out in panic, “No! No, John! That’s not what I want. I only want you! Please! I want you, so badly! It’s killing me, John, the thought that maybe you don’t want me after all! Why are you rejecting me? Why won’t you just take me, make me yours, John?! Why?!”
John went rigid, his hostile expression giving way to one of horror. “Oh God. Sherlock. You said that about Wilkes on purpose, didn’t you? Just to see if I’d be jealous.” Stricken, he loosened his grip and dropped his forehead to Sherlock’s, “I’m sorry Sherlock, I’m so sorry!” he whispered, his voice full of agonized regret, “I shouldn’t have said or done what I just did! You must know I would never leave you! Will you forgive me? Please!”
Tears were beginning to slide from the corners of Sherlock’s eyes. He sniffed. “It’s okay John, but I don’t understand you! I really don’t!”
John pressed anxious kisses to Sherlock’s eyes before cupping his face in his hands with infinite gentleness, “I know you don’t, and that’s partly why...I’m…holding back, Sherlock. Before we can be together, we need to understand each other better. What’s between us has to be about more than just a desire for hot first-time sex. Understanding and partnership take time to develop.”
“Then let’s work on it John! You won’t even try! You keep pushing me away and pretending there’s nothing between us!”
John looked away and then back. He said hesitantly, “Sherlock, it’s because I don’t know...” He halted, “I mean I want you to bond with me not because your body is driving you to do it, although I enjoy the knowledge of that very much, and not because you are afraid and want protection from other Alphas. I am willing to protect you always, regardless of whether we are mated or not. What I want is for you to be with me just because you love me, Sherlock. I hoped that when you were comfortable with your new identity you might start to sort those things out…”
Sherlock was looking up at him, obviously listening and rapidly processing what he was saying, so John took another chance and bared his soul. “I want to know that you trust me Sherlock, absolutely, not only with your own life but with the lives of our offspring, our children, if we have them. If you become pregnant I want you to believe, without doubt, that I will provide safety and security for you and your baby. It’s a vulnerable time for an Omega and I need to know that you trust me absolutely and completely, to take care of you both.”
John faltered, “I...I know I’m thinking farther ahead than you have probably, but…but…that’s the way I am, I guess, I…I’m sort of old-fashioned…”
John sat up straight and looked at the floor; Sherlock had made it clear he didn’t feel paternal at all…and now John had revealed everything…he shouldn’t have. He’d meant to give Sherlock more time…
He waited anxiously for Sherlock to react.
When he did, Sherlock’s voice was low and husky in his ear. “But John, I’ve already thought about all of those things. I do love you and trust you unreservedly, I thought you knew that.” He was staring at John, puzzled and added almost to himself. “I thought it was obvious, so obvious…and that you had recognized it as I did…”
Fill: The Reason is You, Part 12b
John went rigid, his hostile expression giving way to one of horror. “Oh God. Sherlock. You said that about Wilkes on purpose, didn’t you? Just to see if I’d be jealous.” Stricken, he loosened his grip and dropped his forehead to Sherlock’s, “I’m sorry Sherlock, I’m so sorry!” he whispered, his voice full of agonized regret, “I shouldn’t have said or done what I just did! You must know I would never leave you! Will you forgive me? Please!”
Tears were beginning to slide from the corners of Sherlock’s eyes. He sniffed. “It’s okay John, but I don’t understand you! I really don’t!”
John pressed anxious kisses to Sherlock’s eyes before cupping his face in his hands with infinite gentleness, “I know you don’t, and that’s partly why...I’m…holding back, Sherlock. Before we can be together, we need to understand each other better. What’s between us has to be about more than just a desire for hot first-time sex. Understanding and partnership take time to develop.”
“Then let’s work on it John! You won’t even try! You keep pushing me away and pretending there’s nothing between us!”
John looked away and then back. He said hesitantly, “Sherlock, it’s because I don’t know...” He halted, “I mean I want you to bond with me not because your body is driving you to do it, although I enjoy the knowledge of that very much, and not because you are afraid and want protection from other Alphas. I am willing to protect you always, regardless of whether we are mated or not. What I want is for you to be with me just because you love me, Sherlock. I hoped that when you were comfortable with your new identity you might start to sort those things out…”
Sherlock was looking up at him, obviously listening and rapidly processing what he was saying, so John took another chance and bared his soul. “I want to know that you trust me Sherlock, absolutely, not only with your own life but with the lives of our offspring, our children, if we have them. If you become pregnant I want you to believe, without doubt, that I will provide safety and security for you and your baby. It’s a vulnerable time for an Omega and I need to know that you trust me absolutely and completely, to take care of you both.”
John faltered, “I...I know I’m thinking farther ahead than you have probably, but…but…that’s the way I am, I guess, I…I’m sort of old-fashioned…”
John sat up straight and looked at the floor; Sherlock had made it clear he didn’t feel paternal at all…and now John had revealed everything…he shouldn’t have. He’d meant to give Sherlock more time…
He waited anxiously for Sherlock to react.
When he did, Sherlock’s voice was low and husky in his ear. “But John, I’ve already thought about all of those things. I do love you and trust you unreservedly, I thought you knew that.” He was staring at John, puzzled and added almost to himself. “I thought it was obvious, so obvious…and that you had recognized it as I did…”