{trying to cover a lot of his feelings about the shooting and why he doesn't trust her without being to 'meta-y', or unnecessarily negative towards Mary (since you don't like her portrayed as a villain), but I still want him to have good reasons not to trust her. Good enough for John to leave later when he understands. Apologies if I get some of this wrong. Working with Mary is, difficult. Going for not super evil, but super selfish, I guess? Assassin-cold but can't really help it? I dunno. I will redo it if it's not how you want. LMK please. }
He hadn't scrutinized her before. How could he? John would dismiss it as petty jealously over the occupation of his time, or just his typical rudeness. He had tried to spare Molly unwanted pain once, by telling her the truth about Jim (oh God, Jim, was he ever short-sighted and dismissive of him!) and John had told him, plain and simple... some people prefer to live with a lie.
Truth was all Sherlock had. It was his sole purpose, to serve truth in all forms, no matter how rude, how blunt, how damning to those around him. And John was waiting. Waiting for Sherlock to dish out the truth and make his world crumble. But how could he claim to expose lies when he had lived one for two years? His actions had always been dictated by the most logical course. The best possible outcome. But the best of intentions, backed up by the most impeccable logic, didn't make John's pain disappear... and he was at a complete loss on how to repair the damage. Even if John had know several Slavic languages instead of just weak Pashto (even Sherlock had struggled in Ü-Tsang with only limited Mandarin), he couldn't have gone with him. And he knew John wasn't a skilled liar. His attempt to convince him Irene was in the witness protection program was laughable. It's one of the things I love about him the most. He's not like me.
So the next big lie was a bit easier...that she tried to save him by calling an ambulance. The caller was really Magnussen's security guard, who saw Janine on the floor and called seconds before getting knocked out himself. It hurt, to watch John believe him. But just like Mary, when she pulled the trigger, Sherlock needed to buy some time. He needed things to stay as they were until he could figure out what the root of the problem was, and how to eliminate it.
All this time, he thought the gamble was in staying alive until he could get back home. He never once thought about losing John to a woman. Because he never thought about things like that before. Women. Men. Anyone really. It wasn't even difficult, shutting them out. They had no intrinsic appeal. But somehow John Watson did. Why? How? It didn't matter. What mattered is he knew the only person he ever truly loved belonged to someone else.
Everyone's life was a lie. All lies were disguised pain. From Redbeard "running away" when he'd really gotten hit by a lorry to him telling himself he'd be fine without John Watson. And now, he was being given the chance to have him, in whatever limited capacity. If he were a stronger man, he would have said no.
FILL 4/? "Three" (Threesome fail)
He hadn't scrutinized her before. How could he? John would dismiss it as petty jealously over the occupation of his time, or just his typical rudeness. He had tried to spare Molly unwanted pain once, by telling her the truth about Jim (oh God, Jim, was he ever short-sighted and dismissive of him!) and John had told him, plain and simple... some people prefer to live with a lie.
Truth was all Sherlock had. It was his sole purpose, to serve truth in all forms, no matter how rude, how blunt, how damning to those around him. And John was waiting. Waiting for Sherlock to dish out the truth and make his world crumble. But how could he claim to expose lies when he had lived one for two years? His actions had always been dictated by the most logical course. The best possible outcome. But the best of intentions, backed up by the most impeccable logic, didn't make John's pain disappear... and he was at a complete loss on how to repair the damage. Even if John had know several Slavic languages instead of just weak Pashto (even Sherlock had struggled in Ü-Tsang with only limited Mandarin), he couldn't have gone with him. And he knew John wasn't a skilled liar. His attempt to convince him Irene was in the witness protection program was laughable. It's one of the things I love about him the most. He's not like me.
So the next big lie was a bit easier...that she tried to save him by calling an ambulance. The caller was really Magnussen's security guard, who saw Janine on the floor and called seconds before getting knocked out himself. It hurt, to watch John believe him. But just like Mary, when she pulled the trigger, Sherlock needed to buy some time. He needed things to stay as they were until he could figure out what the root of the problem was, and how to eliminate it.
All this time, he thought the gamble was in staying alive until he could get back home. He never once thought about losing John to a woman. Because he never thought about things like that before. Women. Men. Anyone really. It wasn't even difficult, shutting them out. They had no intrinsic appeal. But somehow John Watson did. Why? How? It didn't matter. What mattered is he knew the only person he ever truly loved belonged to someone else.
Everyone's life was a lie. All lies were disguised pain. From Redbeard "running away" when he'd really gotten hit by a lorry to him telling himself he'd be fine without John Watson. And now, he was being given the chance to have him, in whatever limited capacity. If he were a stronger man, he would have said no.